I have a feeling I could get a doctorate in TURGID PUBLIC SPEAKING, because apparently, I have a lot to say about the things we casually accept as “what a man should be.”
“As a man…”
I’ve never hated a phrase as much as this one.
First off, I need masculinity podcasts to become as marginalised as possible. Because these ridiculous takes on what a guy is supposed to do, or meant to be, have to stop. I’M SINCERELY TIRED.
Society is seriously shoving this whole idea of “what a man should be” down my throat. Apparently, a man is supposed to be dark, emotionally detached, gym-obsessed, slightly sadistic, obsessed with making money, starting a family, and carrying on some grand conversation about legacy and lineage.
And somehow, in the middle of all that, I’m not even allowed to have emotions. I can’t show that something has hurt me. I can’t be vulnerable. I can’t even get watery eyes in peace without feeling like I need to prove that I’m still a man.
“As a man, why you go dey cry?!”
My roommate is an optometrist. He has a valid answer… I promise.
Forget caring sincerely for a woman. It’s almost like some kind of Kryptonite that men are expected to avoid at all costs. Spare me the Marvel BS.
We’re placed in situations where questionable behaviour is placed so high on the “masculine” pedestal, while the good ones are labelled simps.
It’s like there’s this invisible, nonsensical standard we’re expected to abide by. Even when our actions border on the extreme, apparently, that’s just the masculine “bare minimum.”
“Men will always be men.”
Yeah, right. Rolls eyes.
Definitely the second-most-hated phrase.
What annoys me even more is when guys themselves try to cater to these standards at the expense of other people.
“Not all men…”
There’s a general misconception about this phrase amongst men. It’s the best worst form of self-defence you can ever come up with. Drawls with intense sarcasm.
It’s like saying:
“I don’t mind your friend being publicly humiliated by her boyfriend. I’m not the boyfriend.”
As extreme as this sounds, in whatever context you place it, this is exactly what you mean.
It doesn’t extricate you from the “society-approved version of a man” persona. It simply defines your stance, which is almost as insensitive as keeping your mouth shut.
You’re fooling no one.
“A man should…”
The unrealistic expectations.
I was having a conversation with a friend one time about this whole feeling of emasculation. Yeah, emasculation.
In case you have no idea, emasculation means making a man feel that he is less masculine, less capable, less powerful, or less of a man—especially when he feels he has failed to meet society’s expectations of masculinity.
He told me about having a heart-to-heart conversation with a close female friend about his recent financial difficulties. And she straight-up told him:
“A real man should never be broke.”
What exactly are the standards she’s using to define a REAL MAN?
And why should it bother you?
All I’m saying is, suffering and difficulties aren’t gender equations, where one person is somehow more entitled to experience them than the other. Though that might be plausible, given the kind of society we live in.
But people still go through shit, and they shouldn’t feel less of themselves because of it.
Even MEN…
